Wooden Spoon Awards

Tonight I had an idea. I know, a lot of y'all are going, "Wow! Finally Mark had a thought!" No, really, this is something that just came out of left field and I laughed the more I thought about it.

What is it? The Wooden Spoon Awards!

The what???!!!

Everytime I walk into a business and feel like I've been slighted or treated less than respectful, I've often thought it would be nice to whack the idiot that offended me with a wooden spoon...smack dab in the middle of the forehead. I realize that's not a very productive thought but, c'mon, we've all had similar thoughts...right? I usually laugh to myself as I think about how the wooden spoon would make a reverberating sound as it collides with the hollow-melon skull of some of these knuckleheads. Really, I do.

Usually I fantasize about owning the establishment and firing the goober myself. Most of these boneheads don't understand that they make a lasting impression on their customers. Evidently, no one has explained to them that if they don't treat the customer right, the customer won't come back. And when the customers quit coming, I. B. Knucklehead loses his job. Maybe they've been told, but they still don't get it. I've met a lot of people in my life that "just don't get it".

Back to the awards...

Each week, I'm going to offer my Wooden Spoon. The winner of this dubious award has offended me in some form or fashion. My guess is it's going to be tough to pick one winner each week with all of the clods out there in the work-force...but I'll forge ahead.

This week's winner: Sonic. They had some strong competition from the clerk at Wendy's, but Sonic's problems included at least three people. I ordered something for my son the other day, and explained exactly how I wanted the meal. (You know if you don't tell them exactly what size you want, it can hairlip the governor.) I told them I wanted the large popcorn chicken, extreme tots with no jalapenas, and a grape slush. I actually had to say the order twice because the lady on the other end of the horn either couldn't hear or couldn't write fast. After the order was placed, I realized that I didn't tell them which sauce to bring with the popcorn chicken. So, I called back on the horn and told them to bring ranch sauce when they came with the order. After 10 minutes of watching their workforce play "grab-@$$" with each other by the door, my order finally arrived. As soon as the tots were handed to me, I could smell jalapenas.

I asked, "Did y'all put jalapenas on the tots?"

"Yeah"

"I told y'all 'no jalapenas.'"

"You want me to take them back?"

"Yep, I want them the way that I ordered them. By the way, did you bring my ranch sauce?"

"Nope."

Another five minutes passed by as I waited on new tots to be fried. Then, shuffling at half-speed, here came my waitress.

"Here you go."

"Did you bring my ranch sauce?"

"Did you still want the ranch sauce?"

"Yeah, but just forget it...I don't have time to wait on you."



So, I award the Wooden Spoon this week to Sonic. The award is shared by the order-taker, the waitress, and the goofy idiot walking around...constantly pulling his pants up...pretending to work as he licked all over a red sucker. Congratulations, Sonic. I'll never grace your drive-through again.

{I actually thought I'd feel better after I wrote this blog. But, in reality, all I want to do is go whack those idiots with a wooden spoon.}