I tell you this to set up my next story from the weekend. While in Baton Rouge, we went to Blue Bayou Water Park and Dixie Landin'. Blue Bayou is just what you'd expect from a water park...numerous slides and tubes to get your adrenaline flowing. Dixie Landin' is also located on the site and it offers coasters and other rides you'd normally find at larger amusement parks. They stagger the opening hours...so you go to the water park from 10 until 6; and the amusement park is opened from 2 until 10.
We made it to the park around noon on Sunday and secured a locker for our valuables. Next we headed to the Azuka, which is one of their most popular rides. You mount a 4-person raft and go shooting into a gigantic funnel that is laid on its side. Wild, wild ride! I probably swallowed a gallon of water because I was screaming at the wrong time.
Here's where my story is going to take a turn. We enjoyed the rides. The park appeared clean enough. But where did all of the WLP's come from? What's a WLP? Hold your horses, I'll get to that later. We stood in line to ride the Azuka for about 45 minutes. Since this is their most popular ride, we expected a long wait. Now, you know when you go to Six Flags or Disneyworld, you always wind up standing in line for an attraction. You always see the same faces of people in front and in back of you during the wait. It's almost as if you form a tiny bond with these folks...ever so briefly. I like to observe people. I find it's interesting to wonder what's happening in their lives. I wonder how couples met and I wonder about how different groups of people became friends. {I'm the guy that will give a courtesy wave to people I stood in line with...hours after the ride is over. I know, I'm unusual. Actually, I like to use the word "unique".}
Well, in the Azuka line, there was a couple with a young boy standing behind us. Both the man and lady had to be in their late 30's/early 40's. The boy was probably 11 or 12. The man was the child's father. I knew this because the woman kept referring to the man as the boy's dad..."ask your dad...tell your dad...your dad will have to..." But the boy never called the lady "mom." Instead, he called her by a first name. So...chances are, the man was dating the woman or she had become the kid's step-mom. All of this doesn't really matter. What does matter is the adults were some WLP's, aka, Weird Looking People.
Now just because they were WLP's doesn't give me any right to make fun of them. In fact, all three of us (Daniel, Angie, and me) probably looked liked WLP's to them. But what rubbed me the wrong way was....exactly that...they rubbed me the wrong way. Huh?!? The whole time we were in line, the man and the lady kept invading my personal space and rubbing me. Not in an inappropriate way...just touching me...off and on for 45 minutes. It didn't matter how far up the stairs I climbed, they were right behind me. I felt like I was doing a ballet with these idiots. Not to mention, it was about a 100+ freakin' degrees...standing on that stairwell...sun beating down on us like a hammer. Trust me, I was sweating bullets. There were pores on my body that haven't released that much perspiration in a long time.
Here's where it gets gross. The lady kept bending over and messing with her flip-flops, picking at the scabs on her legs...I dunno what she was doing. Everytime she did, she'd shove her full head of hair on to my sweat-soaked back. #1) It tickled me in a uncomfortable way, and #2) I was putting a conditioner in her hair that Clairol won't get out. This went on for what seemed like an eternity. Plus, when the lady spoke, she sounded like Pete Fox's sister. {Pete was a country-bumpkin character I played in a dinner theater.} I found myself unwilling and unable to communicate with these folks. Call me a prude...but I wouldn't invite those people over for dinner. For that matter, I wouldn't invite 98% of the people at that park over to dinner.
Why? There are a myriad of reasons....primarily, rude, crude behavior. I saw moms screaming at their kids and telling them they were gonna kick their @sses. These parents wanted their kids to act like adults, but the problem was the parents were acting like toddlers. I saw teens who thought (and, unfortunately like many people in America think today) that profanity enhances conversation. When you use profanity as a noun, verb, adverb, and adjective in the same sentence, it proves that you are an imbecile....not a gansta. I saw piercings and tattoos in places that no one should pierce or tattoo. I saw one dad with three kids; and the dad had both of his nipples pierced. I'll bet that's a big hit at his company's picnic.
There are other things that rubbed me the wrong way, but you've probably heard enough. I don't want you to come away from this story thinking we didn't have a good time, because we did. We did it up big! I'd go again should the opportunity arise. We laughed and were thrilled by many, many rides. However, if you ever see me in my bathing suit, don't stand so close to me. Observe the 2-step rule. Stay two steps away from me at all times....or I'll write another blog complaining about it. And next time, I naming names!
Daniel on the Flying Pirogues
The high-pitched squeal is Daniel. He and I are on the top
row, left of center.
All three of us on the Flying Pirogues. This turned out to be
our favorite ride. I quit filming on Angie at the bottom, but
she went all the way out of the water onto the painted safety
area. I didn't see anyone else at the park go that far.
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