SHUT UP!!!!!

The Parties:


Meredith


Mark


Duke


Scooter

The Evidence:


The Life Savers


It's funny how we can get on some folks' nerves at times. I know I do; and usually I don't even realize that I've done it...until the pot boils over. If you can fog a mirror, then my guess is you've offended somebody at some time or another. Well, I'm extremely close to my family. Therefore, obviously, they stand a greater chance of me getting "under their skin."

Here's an actual case filed today:

Date and Time of Offense: Wednesday, July 16, 2008, 4:00 to 4:30 P.M.

Parties Involved: Mark, Meredith, Duke, Scooter

Issue: Mark's incessant talking caused his daughter, Meredith, to request silence

Location: Meredith's 4-Runner, various locations in north Monroe

Narrative: Mark had to run to the credit union, the bank, and the library. Meredith offered to drive him; and Duke and Scooter were present. Upon entering the said 4-Runner, Mark began talking in a new character's voice. This character would be described as slow and dim-witted. Mark apparently went on a vocal run talking about Life Savers candy and which color would be the first in a package, should said package be opened. {The officer noted that a recently opened package of Life Savers was found in the car.} This line of conversation remained constant until the parties reached the credit union, which is approximately 10 minutes away. Mark entered the credit union alone; and Meredith and the other parties stayed in the vehicle. At the point when Mark re-entered the 4-Runner, he began talking in the character's voice again. Meredith expressed her discontent for the new character's voice at that particular moment. Mark, undaunted, continued on with the character. After reaching the bank, Mark continued chattering incessantly. However, he was using multiple character voices at this stage. Mark stayed in the vehicle and they used the drive-through window at the bank. Next, they stopped at the library. Again, Mark left the car. He entered the library. Upon re-entering the car, Mark began talking in various character voices again. While backing out of the parking lot, Meredith almost ran over an elderly lady. Then another car that was backing up almost ran into the 4-Runner. Meredith honked her horn. Unfazed, Mark waved at some people he thought he recognized. After declaring to Meredith that he knew some of the bystanders, Meredith exclaimed loudly "Will you please shut up for two minutes? You've been running your mouth non-stop since you got in the car. Shut up...for two minutes, PLEASE!" Mark sat silently for the remainder of the ride. Meredith could not calm down due to the close encounter with Mark's goofiness.

Well, I guess you should thank your lucky stars that you don't have to ride anywhere with me anytime soon. "Have a cheery day, y'know, like a red Life Saver," Mark says in the brand new character's voice. "I'll have to try this new voice on somebody...really soon." Heaven help us!